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• #Pussy gets deep exploration with hands full

“Can you do the thing with your tongue you were doing a minute ago? That felt so good.”.Some ways to express what you want in the moment: “Most partners want to please their beloved and want to know if something isn’t working so they can bring you more pleasure,” Sparks explains. “Ask for exactly what you want,” says erotic educator Taylor Sparks, founder of Organic Loven, one of the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shops. “Thus, to have a more pleasurable sex life, we must challenge the myths of how we’re supposed to look in the bedroom.” Use your words “When perform in the bedroom, we end up in our heads thinking about how we’re performing, rather than in our bodies actually experiencing pleasure,” Tanner says. Expecting your sex life to look like a porn performance would be like expecting an IRL surgery to look the way it does on “The ER.”

PSA: You aren’t going to look like a porn performer while you get it on. Her recommendation: Spend at least an hour a week learning the land of your body. “Then, they can take that knowledge to create more pleasurable sexual experiences for themselves,” Reeves says. “I encourage people to build a pleasure practice with themselves to learn what they like without the presence or performance pressure that can come from having another partner in the bedroom,” she says. “Many of us are taught that when we have partnered and multipartnered sex, that our pleasure is our partners’ responsibility,” Reeves says. Wish your lover gave you more words of affirmation? Request it! Masturbate Need your boo to help out with the laundry more? Tell ’em. Want your partner(s) to put their phone away at the dinner table? Ask. To get more comfortable asking for those things in the bedroom, they recommend starting *out* of the bedroom. Here, Tanner says, having more pleasurable sex means “getting more comfortable with taking up space, asking for what you want, and saying no to what you don’t want.” This is especially true for cisgender women and other folks assigned female at birth. “More than likely, it’s that we’re buying into myths about what we’re allowed to want and need during sex.” “So often the barriers to pleasurable sex aren’t lack of skills, toys, or attractiveness,” Tanner says. Whether you’re having solo, partnered, or multipartnered sex, and whether you’ve had sex zero, 100, or 100 thousand times, these tips will come ( wink) through for you.

#Pussy gets deep exploration with hands full

“But for me it’s more about the sensation of stress leaving my body.”Īnd Kolby, 42, a non-op trans man who usually wears a butt plug and straps on a dildo and stokes it up and down during solo sex, says, “When I make solo sex a full evening of pleasure, it feels like I’m writing a love note to my body.” “Does it feel physically good during vibrator use? Sure does!” she says. Samuel, 25, a gay cisgender man, says, “I stroke my penis up and down really fast with lube, lotion, or spit when I jack off… and it basically feels like a release of pent-up energy.”Īfter masturbating, he feels “a sense of calm,” “more focused,” and “slightly less agitated.”Īmanda*, 34, a self-identified “new to the wheelchair neurodivergent lesbian dyke,” says that, for her, solo sex is less about how it feels physically and more about the stress relief that comes from climax. Solo sex can feel like so many different things, depending on sexual preference, anatomy, abilities, and more. If you’re having solo sex, it might feel like this “There are an infinite amount of adjectives that might be used to describe how sex feels,” Tanner says. “Larger muscles such as your butt, thighs, and hips might tense or spasm and you may notice an increased breath and heart rate,” Tanner adds.Įmotionally, you might feel vulnerable, underwhelmed, excited, good, soft, or open, just to name a few. You may even get a bit red and splotchy on your chest, neck, or face. “You may also experience increased sensitivity to touch on your erogenous zones, including your genitals, inner thigh, ear, armpits, lips, and feet,” Tanner says.Īnd, due to shifts in blood flow, you might feel yourself getting warm or flush. Physically, “you might feel your nipples, clit, or penis swell and become larger and harder,” says certified sex therapist Casey Tanner, MA, LCPC, expert for LELO, a luxury pleasure product company.